Hello

I could offer my customary excuses as to the lateness of my updates - exams, casual introspection...but no, after the less than kind comments from my last update you get no platitudes, no platitudes for you.

I do need to say a couple of things.

Firstly, some of my readers have indicated that they enjoyed/appreciated/were sated by what a wrote a few updates ago. Now I think there is some sort of expectation of quality here...ummm...bad news, if you have known me for any length of time (Including and up to five minutes) then you know that I am without any quality.

Secondly, there is ONE person whoI ring on the weekends to say hello who keeps asking where all the nice pictures of Italy are...(I am squezzing my forehead in consternation). For the last bloody time my laptop which holds (Perhaps held if they cannot be recovered) my pics is arsed, so I have NO pics...sigh

I am currently revising and sitting my exams, with one down and two to go. Thanks to the lecturerers action short of a strike, one of these has been given to me in advance, cheers. I have secured my flat for next year though I have not the faintest as to who my flatmates will be (Though I have recieved an email saying that three ladies have taken the top floor). I have seen the Da Vinci Code and, yes, I have seen many, Many films in my time and while I am not a critic but I must offer my brief comments. Do not bother. Seriously, I am one of the 5 people in the world who has NOT read the book and I disliked it. Those who have read it and saw it were even less enthused. It is simply long, boring and anything but captivating (I know, not even Audrey Tautau with her sassy urban haircut could keep me entralled (But Hank's hair on the other hand...I hear it has been optioned for the next Indiana Jones flick)). That is as much as I can extract from my last few weeks.

Oh I saw the EuroVision Song Contest for the first time and it was beautiful. Now I think Canada should compete next year (Israel got in somehow, Canada should be able to). Now to those who have no idea what this is, the countries in Europe offer up...well...the best produced worst song from the country...that is it, and then vote for each other (The sodding Balkans, it is all political). Now I saw a picture of the Finnish group a few weeks before and promplty declared without seeing any of the other contestants, that they were going to win. The betting odds were 25/1..and they bloody won...I could have made SO MUCH...oh well, here is a pic of LORDI...
Bloody sweet, singing Hard Rock, Hallelujah


Clicking off,

A B

As I stand in line to purchase some tissues, a boy and his mother in front of me move up to the counter. The boy jumps up to the front grasping in his hand a packet of gum, excited with youthful energy. The clerk looks down smiling at him and says in a joking manner "Are you jumping the queue?" With adult attention on him, the boy, shy and nervous, hurries a step back to his mother's leg. The clerk smiles at his mother who returns the expression. She takes the packet of gum from her son and places it on the counter next to the flu medication she also is purchasing. After the clerk runs them through the scanner, she gestures towards the debit machine. Placing her card in and keying in her code, the mother turns and rubs her son's head, who looks up smiling at her. The clerk looks down at the boy again and ask "Would you like a little bag for your gum?" Again too shy, the boy turns his head into his mother's trousers. Glancing at the her screen the clerk tells the mother that the payment did not go through. After keying in again the purchase fails once more. The clerk says nothing, simply shakes her head with the slightest of shrugging shoulders and makes eye contct with me. The mother, flustered, moves the items to the side and pushes her son towards the door. His is confused as he is leaving without anything. His hesitation cause his mother to say gruffly "Lets go, hurry up, Move!" as she hurrys him out the door.

I step up to the counter.

Hey-Up

I am coming to you this week live, from the comp lab in the Herschal building straight out of jolly old and I am WiReD of fake sugar...yes that's right, it's aspartame for me!

Now yes, I know what you are saying, I can already hear the buzz humming off the ground from the world over, even before I have posted this...the ground swells of sound rise and break over me in anticipation...I can Hear it. Yes, I know what you are saying..."why"

as in

"Why am I still visiting this page, cripes do I really have nothing better to do, heck I could have read another page of the Da Vinci code by now, I'm almost done, really, I just want to finish before the movie, see I have to go to work soon and I cannot be bothered to carry it around with me so I get a few pages in at breakfast, but now I have spilt my cocoa puffs over it and left streaks on the page, ."

meh

Face facts, I write as well as that tripe (Which I have never read and was told I was a freak the other day for that reason (Not having read it)).

Wow, I went a bit mental there, I will cap the sugar and see if that helps.

So I have tabulated the votes, and, using the trusted vote count system that I got cheap on ebay from Florida (Nice seller, some bloke named Chad (GET IT AARRGGGHHH). And the winner is...ME, yes Gillis Glutch it is then :)

Ok fine, six votes for Simon's Hole (Though by not signing your name there are some concerns over voting fraud). I am curious about the bible reference though, can the author please respond as to where we might find it?

"And Lo, the Lord said unto man, "Seeke thine darkNEss, cast unto it all the demons which plague the streches, SMite, and abolish, fall them to the depths, and CLasp this orifice (LOL) and close with all thINe might, for you have found Simon's Hole, and the darkness that lays wIThene it doth loom over your prayers""

And sorry for all my religiously inclined readers. You needen't (I think I just invented a contraction) worry, with talk like that I am headed for Simon's Hole myself.

And good thing for it, I hear it is quite balmy this time of year.

Ok I will stop talking about that.

Other than that, with nought pictures to showcase the best I can offer is a bit of an update on the news. Michelle won the Apprentice, how she beat the Badger is beyond me. Middlesbourough lost out in the UEFA final by...something, didn't bother watching it, THE APPREANTICE WAS ON. All of the lecturers are on strike, but not really a strike, just not doing any work, but not on strike kind of strike, so who knows where that leaves me. I have seen the trailer for what looks like a ripping filum:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/monster_house/

And that is about it, I will just leave you with a little piece I have crafted/stolen/embellished:

Please sir, can I have some more?
What's that, more?
Yes sir.
Oliver Twist wants more?
Please sir, just a few minutes, just a couple more texts.
WHAT!!! away with you lad, be thankful for the daytime minutes you have.

Thank, thank you very much,

A B

Hello My Faithful

I know I am so very late with my update, but with school and revision (snicker) my time is spent. But I have a number of funs things to relate which I hope will raise at least one person's mood somewhere in the world. I have no pictures to display as my computer is, well it has left my, the cab is waiting outside and some other periheral waits for her...sigh, I am alone again. The point being that she has taken all the pictures with her (And my poetry, scripts and novels, the scallywag).

So be it, I have some good news to those who recieved my mass email about the goings on at the farm. My good friend Fisher does know what a young female donkey is called - A nice ass - lovely eh? Geordies...life is no goos without em. I also recieved a number of comments about names as well as some interesting insights. For instance my Uncle Ron pointed out that it is going to be quite damaging for my niece, Em Gillis, when she learns that she was named after a donkey, Emma who gave birth...AS for names, there were...well they were mostly crap, I am going to be honest. Simon offer the Donkey of Nih...yeah...I know. Dyker offer, and I have to quote his email as I still do not quite understand it...

"As to a name for the donkey- im thinking "C.L. Assy" which could be simplified to Classy when yelling at her to move or something. It is sort of reminiscent of Lassie (the famous dog), and someone like C.S Lewis, but it also has that all important "ass" reference (since it is an ass - even the bible says ass)."

Wow...

There are sooo many questions, I am just going to say..no, sorry mate, just...no.

But the best name is from Rhianna, Pinata, which is a clever play (See Dyker?). And it can be shortened, well, nicknamed, Pinny, which seems to fit as a donkey name to me.

Alas I have been informed that it is going to be called Miss Elli, by my sister Carey. My opnion (And I get to have one as it is my blog) That is crap, sorry. I like Pinny. It has that more homestead/hearth farm feel, rather than some White Supremicist Southerner who whips his slaves as they scream, 'We sorry Miss Elli, we sorry'. Nice eh, I have totaly ruined that name now I hope.

I must also start a new campaign, on an issue that has not been resolved. Also at the farm is a pond/pool/swimming hole that was created by diverting some mountain streams. It has been nameless for some years despite that my mother even offered some incentive, whoever went into it first (It is bloody cold, all year round) would have it named after them. Now, only one group of people has risen to the challange, but some other great names have been offered. So my readers, leave a comment or email me and I promise that this summer I will craft a sign and name it henceforth. The options are:

Pid's Pool - One of my mother's friends was called Pid when she was a child and they thought it would be a nice bit of nostalgia to use that name (I forget who it was mom sorry...Pauline?). Mainly my mother wanted to call it thus regardless of anyone completing her trial.

Mar and Stephf's Pond - Now the reason for the name is it is a combination of Marianne, Stephanie and Stefanie, the three ladies who actually completed the requirments and jumped in (In their underwear...and I have pictures to...verify). So they have the 'legal' ruling on their side.

And finally (And my favourite),

Simon's Hole - Now Simon never actually got in, but said he would if he was assured that it would be named thus, and my mother was...hesitant. Well too bad, I will make a sign with whatever anyone thinks is best.

So there you go, vote for one of these or come up with something even better?

Clicking off,

A B