Late, punish me

Welcome back to that little slice of Alan you all so depressingly need. I am like a heroin addiction, you can go off me for years, but just one moment with me sends you back into the thralls of my life. Obviously I would use this power to fight crime but I cannot see how to apply it.

meh, oh well,

So I am going to recount a little tidbit what living with my current flatmates is like. Now, before I do, I am aware that this means I am in for at least three (that I know of) people, my mother, my sister and B, who will tell me to move, confront them, etc...so since I already know what you are going to say, can we avoid it?

So, some of the twits had over their friends from out of town. I had no problem with this, I had gone to bed as they were all falling out the door into their cabs. Of course, I was woken up by one of them cackling my name coming up the stairs sometime after two. But then it sounded like she fell and hurt herself so that shut her up. But no, the annoying thing was the following morning, when I wandered into the living room, to find what must have been a pizza, half strewn over the TV. From what I can discern, someone place it on top of the digital telly box (You know, the one BESIDE THE TABLE!). It fell down over the screen and onto the floor. Now whether they ate it afterwards, I have not chosen to ask. But it appears that while they picked up the pizza itself, they chose not to clean it up. SO for following morning, afternoon and the evening(when they finally did clean it) there was stamped in tomato on the rug, from where they trod on it the evening before. It was even all over the TV screen!!! and they sat at watched telly all day!! What lazy b*&%hes.
AND VOILA, Dunvegan Castle. On the Isle of Skye....hello? read my last blog, sheesh.And my dear sister. Point of fact, it was not that wet. humph...over-actor.

And the MacLeod family church (They attend a new one alright). For the first time I quite enjoyed walking around graveyard, reading the graves. I cannot recall for sure, but I believe there was one chap who managed to have three wives, all buried next to him. The old Scottish resiliency, I hope I inherited some of that. And...what...Bowles?!? What are you doing here?

aha, well, perhaps that is not so funny. So, I went to a lovely party this past weekend. I would say it was quite excellent, but a little tip for all the foreigners, quite means average, it is less than very over here. Also, do not ask for two of something and then show the clerk two upraised fingers, as my mother has done all throughout Europe. It means the same as giving the middle finger. But at this party, being from Canada, inevitably our baby seal hunting practices came up. I used to try and explain that it was to keep the fish stocks up which the Europeans feast upon. Now, I am to the point where I basically tell everyone, that is all we do in Canada. Murder baby seals. Roll out of bed in the morning...onto a baby seal. Back the car up...over a baby seal. Go to the baseball field and crack...some baby seals. But, I have come up with a fantastic new way to keep seal hunting awareness up. Let us use it as a description of a faux pas. For instance, if someone says there is an elephant in the room, there is a huge subject that no one is willing to broach. For mine, it will go like this...

Say, a formal dress party was planned, and one person showed up, in jeans and a t-shirt...well...he just clubbed a baby seal. or someone leaves the toilet seat up and a lady wanders out of the loo with a wet bum "OK! WHO JUST CLUBBED A BABY SEAL AND LEFT THE SEAT UP!".....see, brilliant.

Well, this is getting quite lengthy, in reply to the questions about Quackless. I purchased him in Edinburgh. I believe he is the ironic representation of the popular cutural myth of the rubber duck, by being deceased. And I named him Quackless as I believe no one in the whole world has EVER named a dead duck, rubber or otherwise. So my novel name is the first and finest. Any other questions?

Another update next weekend (Or, maybe one day late). And here is a question. Is blog now a verb. I mean, have I just blogged?

Clicking off,

A B

Dashes and Darlings

Title really means nothing, I just thought it sounded amusing. Like some sort of swashbuckling air pirate novel title.

So here is a bit of an explantion of my character. Not at any great length, but it goes to understanding some parts of my nature.

Now, when I had that throb in my chest a short while ago, it went away after a time. My body sorted itself out. Now I did not question this at all. My body healed itself somehow, good enough.

BUT, as none of you knew, my ipod went on the fritz the other day, to the point where I would have to reformat for it to be able to have music placed on it (I could still listen to that which was already on there). But the reformating would mean that all the data on it would disappear.

Cripes...

but as I picked it up the other day and plugged it into my computer to charge it while I mulled over what course of action to take...poof...fixed...Somehow it fixed itself. This sent me MENTAL!!! whhhaa...how can you fix yourself....YOU ARE INANIMATE!!!

I mean my body fine, it is alive, doing its thing while I do mine, but this is a machine that only takes input from me....

I do not know, it just sets me off...

Visiting my sister the other day, when she told me that all I ever put on my blog is crap about what I got up too any given week...well, if this is so hair-pullingly boring, stop reading?

I just had the most moronic 'group' meeting with my flatmates. Some people just do not understand what cohabitation is. If it is so difficult to figure that the bin needs to go out when it is FULL...then yeah...tell you what, move to Darfur, then see if you miss you neighbours.

Oh, and yes, there is now a diagram of our fridge, SHOWING WHO OWNS WHICH SIXTH...

cripes...

This is the Old Man of Storr, seen from Portree, the capital of the Isle of Skye (though when there are no more than five towns...not really Ottawa).

Walking around Portree I coaxed Andrew into a little preclimbing climb.

AND HERE IT IS, proud and...what? Turn around?

Ah CRAP! I am only half way there. Well, it is a rock, need we explore it more? That is enough for now, next Sunday, Dunvegan! Here it is, the sign off my sister hates,

Clicking off (IT IS LITERAL, fool),

A B

oh I may have shown him before, but I laugh everytime I see him, here is Quackless...

As ever

Do you know what happiness is? I mean, really? Come, no, it does not have to be family, friends, your dog, your new car, your huge amount of grapes from your recent crush (Apparently the latest batch of Gillis of Bellisle is going into the liquor stores, so I do not have to give out any freebies anymore, buy your bloody own).

No, I think some of the greatest happiness comes from surprise. I mean fine, it can involve the aforementioned things. Such as when my sister was surprised by a visit from my parents a year ago. But I found an amazing moment today. Now, I realize that almost all of you will have no idea to who I am going to refer to, probably just the baby boomer (Mildly disconcerting that I identify with that generation). For as I was about to hang up my laundry, I realized that CBC radio must be online somewhere. So instead of listening to the constant generated mechanics of of BBC 1, I went and found my CBC. And do you know what was the first thing I heard? That made me so bloody happy and giddy at the same time?

"So it was time for Dave and Morley's son Sam to get some new sneakers."

YES!, the story telling magician himself, Stuart Mclean. I actually said Oh Yes, out loud, I think I tried to talk to him. Crazy and happy.

Oh and now I am listening to Northern Lights and some lovely Hungarian classical themes, oh so nice. But enough with my auditory harping. I am not in the mood for any trip pics tonight. I have a few others, family only really, to show.

So I have been informed that more than likely the trobbing I felt in my chest plate was from a pulled muscle. Does this mean I am going to the gym to much? oh please, say it is so :)

Simon, if you happen to read this, the...ah...real estate transaction you proposed to my father? Yes, you had better get on the ball, as there may soon be others, more...realistic? enquires.

So here are a few pics that I recieved and felt like sharing.

This might be Anna, she is normally the one wearing something pink. There is a little tip for those who cannot tell them apart.
And this must be Em, caterwalling it appears. Is she too young to have that verb applied to her?

Yes, that is the ignition switch. I have seen this girl turning on her parents mini-van. A chick who loves cars, yeah, here is your warning two year old boys, stay away from my nieces. Oh and it appears that Em is still caterwalling.

So, as none of you cared, I am spending my Xmas in the company of? just myself of course. Maybe a few cats. But fear not, I will not be so morose, as I am all ready to purchase Sarah Mclachlan new Christmas CD. So my December 25th is coming together.

9:30 - Wake up. Wow, the first time I have ever slept in on this day.
9:45 - Put on CD, give the cats some attention.
9:50 - Smack Smaug for pissing on my CD case.
10:00 - Try to make pancakes. Realize there is no Canadian Maple Syrup. That and I I have no idea how to make pancakes. Cook some eggs instead. Have shower. Feed Cats.
11:00 - Go for a walk through Heaton Park with my ipod and Tchaikovsky.
12:00 to 8:00 - Watch Xmas specials or films. Have some Dominos (Christmas Dominos?)
8:00 to 11:30 - Turn out lights, turn on fake Xmas tree (That I have to buy). Listen to all the Xmas music I have.
11:30 - Give the cats more attention.
12:00 - Boot Smaug for pissing on my Xmas tree and go to bed.

Have I left anything out?

I will post again next Sunday.

Clicking off,

A B

Yes, I know.

I am aware that I am late in my posting. I had in fact completed a large one on Sunday when my computer lost its wireless connection, thus erasing all that I had worked on.

and...

I also contracted something on Sunday. I am not sure what it was. I had five sets of throbbing pains just below my chestplatem nearer to my left nipple (My left that is). So of course I did nothing about it and it went away after the last bout the following morning. It was the only symptom I had. Very odd.

so...

My sister told me to seek medical advice and being a child of the internet that is where I looked. I went to some fill-in questionaires for diagnosesesses (Yeah, I am not sure about the plural on that). The first site I went to, I answered all the quetions but before they gave me an answer they wanted £20....pphhhttp...sod that, I am from Canada and will NOT pay for healthcare. So I found another free site, and started filling in the questions. And needless to say I lost the net connection again and there went all that work. But on the bright side, I came up with another great idea for a book.

So it all sort of worked out :)

I will update again this Sunady, provided I have access and am not struck down again.

Clicking off,

A B

TRUMPETS BLARING

Dancing girls, juggling monkeys, the whole nine yards.

YES, I have returned to my blog, finally.

Well, I did have to go home for the summer you know, and then I had to go to Scotland. Sheesh, you should be pleased to get a little bit of Alan now and then.

What...did someone mention Scotland, why what a COINCIDENCE, I have pictures...

Right, so a fine train ride north to Glasgow, nary a compliant, and loo, we get our transport for the duration of the trip. Now some of you may recall a previous blog that indicated Andrew's car chosing abilities. Well this time it was left to my to locate suitable combustion driven horseless wagon. Now my mother's were, well, impossible. A seven seater with seven seats still free after the luggage was in, loads of luggage room, heated seats, 4 wheel drive, automatic (NOT easy to find in the UK)...so basically an imaginary car. Good. Well I managed to accommadate most of these requirments, a Land Rover Discovery something or other. Amusingly enough we found a model of the car Andrew rented, so I have to park beside it to get a comparison shot.

Can YOU spot the defference?

So after I educated the guy renting us the car how to use the SatNav (Yeah, my first time ever using it as apparently it was his and I think he is still befuddled) we headed out and got to Invergarry Caslte and spent the night there. I have a few picks from the grounds and the the hotel (Note, this is not the caslte, the castle is a ruin).
I imagine you will agree. Now I did not take any pictures of the West Highland Way, probably because I was raptly starring at it. It is really spectacular, even to drive through. If I ever hyped myself up even I would do the hike the travels through it. The last pic for this week is from Invergarry Castle. Now I ask for my readers thoughts. What beast do you think is being referred to here? My father and I have our...sexiest conclusions, but I suppose anything is open to interpretation.:)

Right, I will update this coming Sunday, promises, promises. More Scotland pics I imagine, unless something amazing or not so amazing but quite odd happens to me this week.

Clicking off,

A B